Happy Father's Day!
We couldn't be moms without men. That's pretty obvious but it's also easy to forget when you feel like you are the one doing all of the child care. On the occasion of Father's Day, it seems appropriate to take a moment to celebrate the fathers in our lives - particular the father of our children.
First, a reality check. In our research for "What Happy Working Mothers Know", Cathy Greenberg and I surveyed and interviewed over 1000 women in multiple countries. The majority reported that they contributed 50% or more to the family income and they handled 80% or more of the child care. Does that ring true to you? It certainly did not surprise me.
The interesting question is why? I think we can all agree that fathers love their children just as much as mothers do - they just express that love in a different way. Men enjoy rough play - wrestling or tossing in the air. Men are generally better than women at teaching kids to take a risk, to push themselves out of their comfort zone. Perhaps most importantly, men simply see the world differently than women. Even if Dad agrees with Mom on what time a teenager's curfew should be or whether junior should be on the travel soccer team, his reasons may be different. Children benefit from both perspectives - mom's and dad's.
Happy moms are those who have worked out a split of responsibility for child care that suits them. Some women want to take on the majority of the child care. They enjoy it and they like being clearly in charge of the kids. Others prefer a more partnerial 50/50 split. Decide what you want and talk with your husband about it. Too often, we expect the men in our lives to read our minds. Or, we are inconsistent. We ask them to do something and then we criticize the way they do it. If dad is in charge of getting the kids off to school in the morning, don't worry if their clothes don't match or their hair isn't combed. If it has to be your way, you are the best one to do it.
So, today, I celebrate all dads who love their kids. I celebrate the fun dads who devote their weekends to giving piggyback rides and playing games. I celebrate the serious dads who talk about the news and teach their kids to play chess. And I celebrate the well intentioned dads who forget the names of their daugthers best friend or embarass their son by shouting at the ref during a basketball game.
Dads (like moms) are not perfect. As long as their kids know that dad loves them, there is a lot to celebrate.
Happy Fathers Day!
First, a reality check. In our research for "What Happy Working Mothers Know", Cathy Greenberg and I surveyed and interviewed over 1000 women in multiple countries. The majority reported that they contributed 50% or more to the family income and they handled 80% or more of the child care. Does that ring true to you? It certainly did not surprise me.
The interesting question is why? I think we can all agree that fathers love their children just as much as mothers do - they just express that love in a different way. Men enjoy rough play - wrestling or tossing in the air. Men are generally better than women at teaching kids to take a risk, to push themselves out of their comfort zone. Perhaps most importantly, men simply see the world differently than women. Even if Dad agrees with Mom on what time a teenager's curfew should be or whether junior should be on the travel soccer team, his reasons may be different. Children benefit from both perspectives - mom's and dad's.
Happy moms are those who have worked out a split of responsibility for child care that suits them. Some women want to take on the majority of the child care. They enjoy it and they like being clearly in charge of the kids. Others prefer a more partnerial 50/50 split. Decide what you want and talk with your husband about it. Too often, we expect the men in our lives to read our minds. Or, we are inconsistent. We ask them to do something and then we criticize the way they do it. If dad is in charge of getting the kids off to school in the morning, don't worry if their clothes don't match or their hair isn't combed. If it has to be your way, you are the best one to do it.
So, today, I celebrate all dads who love their kids. I celebrate the fun dads who devote their weekends to giving piggyback rides and playing games. I celebrate the serious dads who talk about the news and teach their kids to play chess. And I celebrate the well intentioned dads who forget the names of their daugthers best friend or embarass their son by shouting at the ref during a basketball game.
Dads (like moms) are not perfect. As long as their kids know that dad loves them, there is a lot to celebrate.
Happy Fathers Day!
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