Mistakes, Anger and Rose Petals
It's been a rough couple of weeks for me. I'm not sure why, but I've made more mistakes and had more arguments with friends in the last two weeks than I have in the last 2 years. It may be that the planets are in retrograde, whatever that means. All I know is I've been feeling like there was a weight on my head and my chest. The weight was anger - at myself and at others. It made me feel very unhappy.
So, is it ok to be angry? Little girls are often taught that anger is not ok, it's not feminine. We all know that is just silly. Anger is human. Everyone feels it and it serves a purpose. Anger tells you that something is wrong, it is out of alignment. The problem is, we often misdiagnose our anger. We may be too quick to blame others. Or, we may be too quick to blame ourselves. The key to making good use of anger, is to take the time to really figure out where the misalignment is. Notice, I said misalignment not blame.
Ask yourself, why you are angry? What happened and how did it make you feel? Where you disrespected? Betrayed? Misled? Try to understand why the other person or people involved acted the way that they did. Was there bad intention or was it an honest mistake? Really try to analyze it objectively. If it helps to talk it through, choose someone who you know to be calm and fair. You're not looking for the friend who sides with you no matter what. You want someone who can help you think this through. For some people, journally can be a good way to understand what is going on in your head.
Are there actions you need to take? Perhaps you need to have a difficult conversation with a friend or a co-worker? Or maybe you need to resign from that committee you had volunteered for. If you need to take action, plan it out with a cool head.
Once you've figured out exactly why you feel angry, hang onto it for a moment. Concentrate on how right you are and how wrong they are. Then, let it go. Visualize a rose in your hand. It is lush, red and perfect. As you think about what is making you angry, the rose petals will turn brown. Then visualize them falling from your hand and blowing away.
Anger is a healthy, natural emotion if we use it the right way. Listen to it, learn from it but don't hang on to it. Holding onto to anger creates stress in your body and in your life. It keeps things spiralling downward. The next time you feel angry, embrace it, understand it and release it. You'll feel stronger than ever when you do.
So, is it ok to be angry? Little girls are often taught that anger is not ok, it's not feminine. We all know that is just silly. Anger is human. Everyone feels it and it serves a purpose. Anger tells you that something is wrong, it is out of alignment. The problem is, we often misdiagnose our anger. We may be too quick to blame others. Or, we may be too quick to blame ourselves. The key to making good use of anger, is to take the time to really figure out where the misalignment is. Notice, I said misalignment not blame.
Ask yourself, why you are angry? What happened and how did it make you feel? Where you disrespected? Betrayed? Misled? Try to understand why the other person or people involved acted the way that they did. Was there bad intention or was it an honest mistake? Really try to analyze it objectively. If it helps to talk it through, choose someone who you know to be calm and fair. You're not looking for the friend who sides with you no matter what. You want someone who can help you think this through. For some people, journally can be a good way to understand what is going on in your head.
Are there actions you need to take? Perhaps you need to have a difficult conversation with a friend or a co-worker? Or maybe you need to resign from that committee you had volunteered for. If you need to take action, plan it out with a cool head.
Once you've figured out exactly why you feel angry, hang onto it for a moment. Concentrate on how right you are and how wrong they are. Then, let it go. Visualize a rose in your hand. It is lush, red and perfect. As you think about what is making you angry, the rose petals will turn brown. Then visualize them falling from your hand and blowing away.
Anger is a healthy, natural emotion if we use it the right way. Listen to it, learn from it but don't hang on to it. Holding onto to anger creates stress in your body and in your life. It keeps things spiralling downward. The next time you feel angry, embrace it, understand it and release it. You'll feel stronger than ever when you do.
Barrett, glad the theme hit home for you.
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Congratulations, Barrett! I read that your book just made best seller lists for Amazon,Wall St. Journal and NY Times!! Way to go! I read the book and really enjoyed it. Because it's so well-priced, it's a great holiday gift idea for any working mom. Thanks.
Gigi
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